I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Randomize
