remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
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It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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