More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I pour the whiskey from now on
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
