If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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