"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
