The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
My vagina is officially offended.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
