can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
