here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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