3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
