i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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