she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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