During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
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