dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
