All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
