I'm sorry my penis didn't work
only if we run a train.
done.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
