No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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