all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Randomize
