There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Please don't give away my fajitas
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