What a fucking waste of an outfit
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
