What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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