I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
