how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
