Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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