Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
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