i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
