When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
