I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I have post one night stand depression
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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