I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize
