Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
No stitches, just platelets and will power
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
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