the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I'm sobbing to NWA
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
