Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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