went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize
