Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
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