Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
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