He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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