I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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