this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
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