we have officially lost it.
barbara walters just said penis...
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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