hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
