I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize