There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
