i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
It's not a walk of shame if you run
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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