Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
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