I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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