She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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