Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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