So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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