We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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