first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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