someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
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