and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
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