i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
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I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
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It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
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