M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Randomize
