I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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