I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Randomize
