I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
