What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
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