the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
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