ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
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