I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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