She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
