I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
