Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
