So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
