I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
