why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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