I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
