is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
