you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
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No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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