People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
