Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
