i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Randomize
