I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
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Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
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His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement