If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
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