Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
27 Unforgettable Hookup Texts
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
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I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...