I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Operation Purity has been aborted
21 People Confess What It’s Really Like At An Orgy
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
These 15 Honest Illustrations Show What Women Do When No One Is Watching
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.