how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
25 Times Terrible Advice Was Given To A Teenager
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.