my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I think my vagina is haunted
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
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You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
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I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.