She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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