he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
It's not a walk of shame if you run
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
