i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
