GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Farmville is her only friend.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
