So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
