the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
