well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
This can only be settled by a dance off.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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